when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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