home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
