Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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