It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
