You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
