I think scott just propositioned me for sex
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
