Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
They have beer where we have blood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
