JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
