Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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