By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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