My room smells like vodka and shame
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
