I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
