Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
