I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
