I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
