Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
