They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
