New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
