I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is her dick bigger than yours?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
