I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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