Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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