I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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