I'm eating all of the evidence.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
