If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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