Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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