she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
