Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
