My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
