yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
