am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My liver is preforming stress tests.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
