I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
