just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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