so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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