He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
