this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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