I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
