If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
