Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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