i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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