dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
