This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
