Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
