he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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