I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
