I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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