Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
