the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
