rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
