maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
