Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
